For most of my life, I didn’t ask myself what I wanted.
I asked, Losing myself in someone Else’s agenda?
“What will make him happy?”
“What will keep the peace?”
“What will stop the conflict?”
Not because I lacked desires or dreams of my own—but because I feared the consequences of prioritizing them.
Somewhere along the way, I learned that being a strong woman, a woman who stands up for herself and makes her own decisions, comes at a price. A price I wasn’t willing to pay: confrontation, disapproval, or emotional distance.
So, I made the easiest choice: I shrank.
How I Prioritized His Agenda Over Mine
I didn’t wake up one day and decide to live according to someone else’s rules. It happened gradually, in the small moments, in the unspoken sacrifices.
When I wanted to pursue a dream—I questioned, “Will this make him uncomfortable? Should I just let it go?
When I wanted to make a decision—I thought, “Will he get upset? Maybe it’s easier if I just follow his lead.”
When I disagreed—I told myself, “It’s not worth the argument. I’ll stay quiet.”
Each time I silenced myself, I thought I was keeping the peace.
But really, I was losing myself.
The Fear of Being a Strong Woman
I used to think that being a strong woman meant being difficult, argumentative, selfish. Because that’s what I was made to believe.
But now, I see the truth: strength doesn’t create conflict—control does.
The reason I feared being strong wasn’t because there was something wrong with me. It was because I had been in an environment where my strength was seen as a threat.
And so, I played small. I made myself softer, quieter, smaller.
Not because I wanted to. But because I thought I had to.
Reclaiming My Agenda
Now, I am learning to ask myself:
What do I want?
What decision aligns with my needs, not just someone else’s?
What happens if I stop fearing confrontation and start embracing my own voice?
It’s not easy. After years of living for someone else’s comfort, it feels unnatural to prioritize myself. But I know this:
A woman who reclaims her power isn’t selfish. She’s free.
And I am finally ready to be free.
Final Thoughts
Have you ever found yourself putting someone else’s needs before your own, not out of love, but out of fear?
How did you begin to break free from that pattern? Let’s talk in the comments.
