Our relationships profoundly influence our thoughts, beliefs, and sense of identity. We continuously navigate the waters of relatedness, forming connections that either empower us to grow or anchor us in old patterns.
The Power of Relatedness
Recently, I had a realization about the nature of these connections. Some relationships made me feel small, hesitant, or bound by invisible expectations, while others provided space to expand, evolve, and become my true self. This led me to a crucial question: What kind of relatedness am I choosing?
Negative Relatedness: The Invisible Chains
Negative relatedness refers to connections that hinder your highest self. While they might feel familiar or comforting, they keep you stuck in patterns misaligned with your growth. This can manifest as:
- Shared Struggle: Connecting through hardship rather than mutual encouragement.
- Fear-Based Ties: Staying in relationships because leaving feels too risky.
- Limiting Beliefs: Absorbing someone else’s doubts, fears, and scarcity mindset.
- Unspoken Loyalty: Feeling guilty for outgrowing old dynamics.
- Emotional Containment: Holding back your true self to avoid upsetting others.
For a long time, I didn’t recognize the weight of these connections. I felt an unspoken obligation to prioritize others’ emotions and expectations over my own happiness, constantly questioning: Will this make them uncomfortable? Will they still accept me if I change?
But here’s the truth I had to face: If someone only relates to me when I’m struggling, that’s not a connection—it’s a trap.
Positive Relatedness: The Relationships That Lift You
Just as negative connections can drain you; positive relatedness can elevate you. These relationships allow you to be your fullest self, free from fear, guilt, or limitation. Positive connections:
- Encourage Growth: They want to see you thrive, not just survive.
- Inspire Expansion: They push you toward your potential, not your past.
- Provide Safety and Support: You don’t have to shrink or hide parts of yourself.
- Are Rooted in Mutual Respect: Each person is valued as they are, not as they’re expected to be.
I began to recognize the people in my life who truly celebrated my growth, rather than feeling threatened by it. Some relationships had space for me to evolve, while others demanded I stay the same. This awareness brought clarity on what I needed to nurture—and what I needed to release.
Navigating the Shift: Moving from Negative to Positive Relatedness
Breaking free from negative relatedness requires deep self-awareness and a willingness to make different choices. Here’s how I began to shift:
- Recognizing the Patterns: Noticing which relationships made me feel empowered versus drained.
- Setting Boundaries: Protecting my energy by limiting access to people who kept me stuck.
- Finding True Connections: Seeking out relationships that aligned with my values and growth.
- Letting Go of Guilt: Understanding that choosing my well-being isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
The hardest part was realizing that not everyone would come with me on this journey—and that’s okay. Some relationships are meant to be lessons, not lifelong bonds.
Choosing the Waters, You Sail In
The people we allow into our lives shape our experiences, but we always have a choice. Are we hosting and generating energies that support our growth, or are we unconsciously holding onto connections that keep us small?
I’ve learned that true relatedness isn’t about who I was—it’s about who I’m becoming. The relationships that matter most will always be the ones that allow me to rise.
Reflect and Share
Are your relationships keeping you anchored in old patterns, or are they helping you set sail toward the life you’re meant to live? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
